I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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