I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bet he comes in French.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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