There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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