problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
