3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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