Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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