I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
