Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
