guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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