The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
