i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
