I'm lost and stupid without you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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