i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
