Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
