I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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