Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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