Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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