I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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