She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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