hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
