Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
