he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
