Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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