I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
