Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
