seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
