You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
