I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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