I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
