Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
