Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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