the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
