I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
