Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
