Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
