Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
