I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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