i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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