Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
