dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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