I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
