Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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