textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
