Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Randomize
