You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
