he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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