Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
