My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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