Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
