this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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