He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish there were birth control emojis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
