You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
