He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
